Love’s Drowning
cw: self-harm and disordered eating My foster daughter Janine stares me straight in the eye as she rips off one fingernail after another, dropping each into the bowl of oatmeal I have served, sure that I will not make her eat it now. Her blue eyes pierce me. Her soft …
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Mother Cake
Scratch In May 2020, Minnesota Stay-at-Home Order Week Five, I see a recipe in the newspaper: parsnip-cardamom-ginger cake with buttercream frosting. I write down the ingredients. Maybe flour is back in stock. It’s the day of my weekly grocery run, and yes, I grab a five-pounder of flour off the …
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Marbles, and Other Things of a Spherical Shape
The Marble Collectors Society of America explains, “There are many mineral spheres available. Most of these are not true marbles, but merely minerals in the spherical shape.” The Truth of Marbles Grandfather brought home a beaten-up pachinko machine. Look at these metal spheres, Grandfather said, holding the objects in …
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The Annotated Bibliography of One Librarian’s Spiritual Life, Including Library Cataloging and Classification (of course)
Allen, J. F., and Carlo Tora. The New Illustrated Children’s Bible in Stories. Royal Publishers, 1970. PUT_J 220 New; Bible stories, English — Bible stories, English–juvenile literature. PUT_SEE also: Parenting–religious aspects — Free thought. This book, given to my sister by a family friend, sat on a bookshelf in our …
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Scale
“The cleverer I am at miniaturizing the world, the better I possess it.” – Gaston Bachelard, The Poetics of Space “My map and measurements yielded a thesis which I wrote out in ink and tried to prove mathematically: the notion that affiliation is borne by proximity, and that proximity is requisite …
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7-Up as a Cure for Irony
I pour a glass of 7-Up before a date with Jamie. Every time. I don’t eat dinner. I can’t. I tell my parents I’m not hungry. I carry the 7-Up into my bedroom, closing the door. 7-Up is honeysuckle summers, the slant of sun at dusk on hydrangeas, the sweetness …
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Different Yellows, Whole and Broken
I recently transcribed one of my husband Séan’s bedtime stories onto a gold nightdress of mine in gold ink. In the daylight, the words shine above the matte gold fabric, but at night the ink disappears, and I fear his story is lost. I search for it, prospecting letters hidden …
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Losing Something So Small
cw: pregnancy loss The sky was bright blue that day. There was the kind of lush wind that made you believe you could happily delete all your social media accounts and easily, miraculously, open a goat farm and make a living selling cheese. I rested my head against the window …
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Words You Taught Me
Rubes: People who disgusted you. Gorge: What rose when people disgusted you. Y-M-C-Ack: The place where the rubes prattled on—especially in the women’s locker room—and made your gorge rise. You were a magnet for spit-talkers. The sight of blood running down a leg. The Y-IRE: The monthly newsletter published by …
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