I don’t know how I will save every one of my friends
each queer stitch to the blanket, unraveling
I am afraid of the world I shouldn’t be afraid of the world
I don’t want to be drunk and monstrous, but no one will
take me seriously, if I smile all the time I am afraid of complacency
I envy from my mouth I remove from my veins
I have everything to give I am ready to give, but nobody wants
the sparkling of my body the rustic brown of my flesh
I am tender, ready for the pot I am not ready to go down
without a fight, I have more to give we have more to give
my tongue does not remember my real language, I am
soft on the one I have now, I want someone’s luck, I want
someone to fuck me, and then leave I want to steal their power
give it to each body that has been left for dead, resurrect them
in all their glory, this is the same story, I dream about, I miss
the people I look up to who are now gone, I want them back.
My papa gone, my queer and trans Queens and Kings, gone
I want them back, I breathe their names in, burn the leaves
salt my flesh and bleed and still nothing, and what if
it isn’t enough, is it ever enough? I fear the future, I fear
my body and its diamond-spiked chaos, glittering all
into the ether and universe and what if I don’t do enough
to restore the beauty that we deserve, what if I get it all wrong
what if I don’t do enough or say enough or fight enough or fuck enough
my short fat body, getting older and losing its queer edge, what then?
what comes after? what comes after? what comes after?—
Mateo Lara
Mateo Perez Lara is from Bakersfield, California. They are queer and Latinx. They are currently getting their M.F.A. at Randolph College. Their work has appeared in EOAGH, Emerson Review, and elsewhere.
